Friday I was due to head out to Austin, Texas to attend the Black Book Festival. I never made it there. Here's what happened:
2:30PM - Still bleary eyed from crying my eyes out over the sudden death of MJ, I pop two extra strength Tylenols to beat back the migraine that was pulsing on the side of my head. I waited outside for my taxi to arrive. Three cars showed up at the same time and a screaming match between the drivers ensued. All three were Haitian so there was a lot of Kolan guete maman ou and Souse' Zozo being thrown around. Finally I climbed into the car with the man that seemed the less menacing.
4:15PM - I boarded the Northwest flight bound for Memphis where I would then connect onto Austin. My last meal was at 12:30PM. I munched on my bag of nuts and dried fruit that I bought at Hudson News for a million dollars (not a million - but you know how ridiculously high things are at the airport) I told myself that I will get a proper meal in Memphis where I was due to have a 2 hour lay over. I was seated next to a young couple who were going to Texas to make wedding arrangements. They were so young that their mothers milk was still crusted in the corners of their mouths. Take off time was scheduled for 4:30PM.
5:00PM - The captain announced that we were #40 in line for take-off.
5:15PM - The captain announced that we were #40 for in line for take-off.
5:30 - The captain announced that we were #40 for in line for take-off
6:00PM - The captain announced that no flights were taking off due to the bad weather. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. My stomach began to grumble.
6:15 - The couple next to me began to play fight. I gave them the classic black mother look that says: Don't let me take off my belt. They stopped playing, took out books and began to read.
6:30PM - Black clouds approached from the East.
6:PM - Fork lightening sliced through the clouds. I'm so hungry that although I do not eat meat, I think that I may have a steak when I get into Memphis. This thought troubles me and I realize that I am in the midst of PMS. I begin to search the bottom of my pocketbook for stray peanuts. I find two sunflower seeds and gobble them down.
7:00PM - The wind kicks up, thunder booms and the rain finally begins to fall. Its obvious that I will not make my connecting flight. I call my sister and ask her to check and see if there are any more connections that night. There are none. And there are none the following day that will get me into Austin before my appearance. I consign myself to the fact that I will be over-nighting in Memphis and then coming back home. I tell myself I will make the best of it and treat myself to a nice hotel and a nice meal and a nice glass of wine. I try to remember the hotel my publisher always puts me in when I'm in Memphis, but the Tylenol has worn off and I'm so hungry that I feel faint. Food is all that comes to mind.
The rain has a certain effect on certain people. It makes me sleepy. It makes the young couple next to me frisky and I look over to see that the boy-husband-to-be has his hands down the jeans of his wife-to-be.
This time I give them the full fledged black mother look that says: I will slap both of you into next week! He removes his hand I have to inhale the faint scent of "pussy" for the next few hours.
The flight attendants finally offer water.
8:00PM - The rains stop. The Captain announces that we have been cleared for take-off.
10:30PM (NY Time) 9:30PM (Memphis time) - The flight was the bumpiest I have been on in a long time. My nerves are bad. My head hurts. I'm beyond hunger. My blood sugar is low that I;m too weak to stand in line for the packets that contain new flight info, $25 voucher, and the telephone number to call for a discount hotel. I don't want a discount hotel I want the nice one that I still can't remember. I tell NW airline representative that I feel faint. She makes a face and takes a step away from me. I get off of the line and take a seat. I call my sister and she checks for hotels that are close by. Everything is sold out. I would have to travel 25 miles for a hotel. All I want is a meal, a hot shower, a cigarette and bed.
I pop a piece of chewing gum in my mouth - this gives me enough energy to walk over to the free standing units where you can dial an extension number and get a hotel or car rental. I call the Hilton. Yipppeee! They have rooms available - yes, smoking rooms - yes, 24 hour room service - and its just a mile away. The shuttle bus is not running - no problem - I'll take the taxi the one mile - how much could that be?
10;30PM - The taxi man laughs at me - one mile? - more like six to eight miles and $30 Dollars At the hotel the front desk person advises that there are no more smoking rooms. But I reserved one? Nope - I don't know what that agent was looking at. We have none. Okay, but you do have 24 room service, right? No, room service is over at 10PM. You can order pizza from Domino's, Papa Johns or Pizza hut. I say, do you at least have a mini bar in the room. No.
11:00PM - In the room I am on hold with NW airlines on my cell phone - on the hotel phone I order my pizza. They tell me about 30 minutes.
11:15PM - Still on hold with NW.
11:45 - Still on hold with NW.
12:10AM - The NW agent tries to help me get back home with minimal connections - but it is not looking good. Pizza man comes - I give him the money and thank him. I sit down on the bed, rip the lid off the box and you know what's inside? BAKED CINNAMON STICKS -- I scream, rush to the door and out into the hallways hollering for the delivery man, but he's gone. Hearing the rush of cuss words that spill from my mouth - the NW agent offers some condolences and puts me back on hold.
I call Pizza Hut and explain the problem, they assure me that they will get the right order to me in 20 minutes.
12:45AM - NW agent is now trying to get me on a Delta flight direct into Kennedy so he places me back in hold. I call Pizza Hut and have to explain myself all over again. the woman says at this point its an hour and a half wait. I am surprised at how cool and calm I am - being hungry, tired and in full PMS mode - I don't yell, scream or cuss her - well its not her fault. I explain again - she puts me on hold. While I wait I think about what the maid will say the next morning when she walks into my room to find me dead across the bed with a cell phone in one hand and the hotel phone in the other.
The pizza girl comes back and tells me that my pizza has left the building and should be there shortly.
1:20AM - NW agent confirms me on the Delta flight. Wishes me good luck with my Pizza.
1:50AM - Pizza arrives. I gobble down three slices and wash it down with a few swigs from the 2 Liter Pepsi they sent along with it. ( I don't drink soda). Afterwards I stumble into the shower and wash off the grime that comes along with traveling.
2:15AM - I fall into bed and pass out for an hour. A sharp pain in my chest drags me from my slumber. I believe I am having a heart attack in my sleep. I jump up and reach for the phone - I belch - the pain goes away. Oh, it was just gas. I finally remember the name of the hotel - The Peabody - and fall back to sleep.
