In just a few short months my sister and her husband will welcome their baby boy, Ethan Torres into the world.
My sister has a 14 year old daughter from a previous relationship and her husband has a 15 and 13 year old from a previous relationship.
We have lengthy conversations about being parenthood which include the highlights, the dark days and the hopes we have for our children. I also have these discussions with other friends and family who are currently raising or has raised children in this American society.
Naturally, the comment I hear more often than not is:
"Our children have too much."
I concur. Yes, they do have too much. They have too much because we make more than our parents did and so are able to indulge them.
When I was a growing-up, the best gift I could receive for an accomplishment, was that glow of pride on my parents faces, accompanied by the words: "I'm so proud of you!" Anything beyond that was just icing on the cake!
It seems to me (and many others that I have had this conversation with) is that this new generation needs to be rewarded with electronics, trips, jewelry, cars, real estate (<--- I am guilty of this) and so on. Anything less seems to be ...well...unacceptable.
We parents bend over backwards to give and do for our children. And why not? As my my mother, grandmother and scores of previous women in my family before me always said: "They didn't ask to come here!"
And in those six little words, it has come to be understood that we as parents should do everything and anything possible to make their "visit" here a pleasant, fulfilling and enriching one.
And yes, once again, I concur. But what happens when all of the giving and loving is not reciprocated? Or is met with insolence and disrespect? This as if, everything they have and most of who they are came about by the wave of a wand by some random fairy?
How could they dismiss the fact that although we made it look easy - it wasn't always the case. We went without so they wouldn't have to. Hold a blue light over our hearts and you will see the word Sacrifice glowing there.
From my "experience" and "investigation", this type of behavior among the young people is becoming more and more common and it's heartbreaking...
Sidebar: My sister has a cat named Mikey, who spends most of his time outside chasing mice, badgering squirrels and befriending possums. The joke is that Mikey really doesn't give a shit about the family and is just using them for food and shelter. She has now included her 14 year old daughter as a character in this joke.
In my novel, Camilla's Roses, the matriarch of the family warns her daughters 'Not to love their children too close.' Her belief is that children are bound to break your heart. And loving them at arms length could offer the mother some protection from that.
What do you all think?
As we wait out these final months till the new baby arrives, we think about what should and will be done differently with this child. Maybe going old school is the best route to take. A road ladened with more kisses, hugs and I love yous and less Ipods, Iphones and Ipads - which seems to have created a generation of children who can't see beyond their own wants and needs.
5 comments:
We deliberately made certain our children had less. We are a family of readers, we talk, we enjoy being outside, and my teens are healthy and well-rounded. They do not have their own cars, and shall not until they buy them for themselves. They do not wear expensive clothing and we do not have a cable TV package (I know!). As a whole, I am disheartened but the children I am seeing being raised (a generality to be sure). I worry about society. Will children grow up to be free thinkers? To be able to communicate without texting? To see more than what television wants them to think, feel, believe? What happened to childhood? Now parents sign their babies up for classes! I am very grateful my three; 18, 16, and 16 have managed to get through their childhood as children.
I only have one daughter. Coming from a family with five children I feel she will be left out in a lot of ways so I do buy her things to compensate for the lack of brothers and sisters. (I'm not in the best of health so not having anymore children.) The funny thing is, she has NEVER asked for a brother and sister. I am the one who feels she is missing out so I indulge her with new DVD's, toys, you name it. My hubby tells me that I need to deal with the issue at hand and realize that our daughter has a full life and is not lacking in anything by being an only child. The problem is with me. So I do think children now-a-days get more things, because we as children didn't get rewarded. We have to remember that the reward for doing well or being "good" is just that--being a well-behaved child. It's a hard pill to swallow to deny your child things when you can easily afford to say yes. But at some point they need to hear the word no, not because we can't afford it, but because it teaches them that they can't get everything they want, when they want it.
Yes, yes, and yes. This is a problem. I'm trying to hard not to contribute to it with my own children, but it's tough-- my kids end up being the only ones without the Wii, the ipod, the Nintendo DS. They are the only ones who don't get to stay up late, eat junk food, get what they ask for.
It's starting to wear on me.
Can we take a moment and place a bit of the blame on the extended family members. My daughter is the first and so far only grandchild on her father's side so at birth she was crowned a princess. She has been given extravagant gifts, trips and money for as long as I can remember and all she's asked to do is get good grades. The problem is not only with kids who get too many material things it's the fact that they don't see how the other side lives so they believe it's normal to have the latest and greatest. I think kids today need to give back to their communities and be involved with more service projects. This way they will learn to appreciate what they have and no longer take their parents for granted.
Love this post, and your insert from Camilla Roses touches home, I do not want to be broken hearted and I refused!
Yes the children have way to much and I'm continually trying to remind my son, that he will not be rewarded for just enough, he must go above and beyond.
Anna Julia Cooper wrote "the training of a child is a task on which an infinity of weal (happiness) or woe depends."
I refuse to be of woe.
Being a parent is the hardest job in the world!
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