Hanging on by a thread...of steel.

So we're nearing the end of the first month of the new year.

The end of the month is always a source of great contention and anxiety for me. As you all know, the end of one month signals the beginning of another and of course that means its time to pay bills.

I am happy to announce that I have claimed success once again....I don't know how I do it....but it gets done over and over again - albeit - by the very skin of my teeth.

For the last twelve months I have been literally hanging on by a thread. But that thread has the strength of steel.

Before you think that this is an "oh-woe-is-me" post --- it's not -- it's a post about gratitude, faith and endurance!

Just days before Christmas, I hopped an American Airlines flight to Columbus, Ohio where I was met by the open arms of my cousins. I stayed with them for an entire month and during those 30 days, they made sure that I was clothed, fed, housed and loved.

I felt reborn. This new energy fueled my creativity and for the first two weeks, I wrote every single day.

At the end of the second week, I received some news that sent me over the edge. You know the type of news that prompts statements like:

F%$k it...I'm done!

And that's what I told my family. I said, quite emphatically, that I was over and done with this entire writing thing. How much pain and disappointment can one woman take!?

I feel like I've been fighting a useless war. I'm tired. Beat down. Look -- see my white handkerchief? I surrender....UNCLE!

I vowed to go home and apply for a nice, safe job with the post office.

I was handed tissue, poured a glass a wine and then graced with expressions that conveyed the following:

"Who do you think you're fooling? Certainly not us! Imagine you...pushing postage stamps for a living. Ha!"

"You and I both know that this writing thing is exactly what you were put here to do. We all have our seasons. Suck it up Bean...! (That's what they call me) Keep your eye on the sparrow - keep your faith in your God....buckle down and weather the storm...fair weather is on the way!"

And true to their words - fair weather did arrive in the form of the El Gouna Residency, The Fiction Honor Award from the BCALA and the NAACP Image Award Nomination.

On top of all of that wonderful news, I continue receive inspirational messages from those familiar to me as well as those people who only know me through my work.

This of course brings me great joy and helps to make the "bad" days seem not so dark and unforgiving.

So to all of you, I say THANK YOU!

And to those of you who feel as if you're barely scraping by and/or hanging on by a thread... just think of that thread as a strand of steel, and tighten your grip.

Bernice L. McFadden